Hi everyone. Welcome or welcome back to the blog!
It’s been some time since I’ve last posted, but I haven’t forgotten about MCD. Let’s talk about where I’ve been and sexual assault month.
I’ve been focusing on my final semester of undergrad, making my grad school decision, and planning for the future of this blog and my other creative projects.
At the same time, these past few months have been incredibly difficult, especially for those like myself who live in Minneapolis.
Through this, it’s been immensely important to focus on self-care. Being creative can be a method of self-care, but sometimes it can also feel like work.
I saw this post on Instagram a couple weeks ago and it completely defines how I’ve felt the past two months.
With that being said, I’m excited to share new stuff going on and *once the time is right* share a huge project that I have been working on! This month, MCD turns 2 years old, so thank you all for supporting me up to this point, if this is your first post or if you’ve read every single one!
Today is the last day of April, which is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.
I want to use my platform to talk about this because it is very personal to me. Trigger warning: SA
During the first year of the blog, I wrote an opinion piece on the “Nice guys finish last” conversation. In that post, I recalled experiences I had with entitled men to prove my point.
One of the stories I told was the story of my own sexual assault.
Except I didn’t know at the time that I had been assaulted.
There’s no way to really tell this story gently, so I’ll just get it out any way that I can and only share what I am comfortable having on the internet.
Last summer, many women were mobilized to speak out on their experiences of sexual assault after the murder of Oluwatoyin Salau, a 19-year old Black Lives Matter activist who was murdered after tweeting for help when she had been sexually assaulted.
As more people shared resources on what sexual assault is and the different ways it can occur, I suddenly met the reality that the one “boys ain’t shit” moment I had when I was 18 was much more severe than I knew.
18-year-old me thought the “most violent” outcome in a situation like mine met the criteria for sexual assault. According to RAINN, the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence non-profit organization:
The term sexual assault refers to sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim. Some forms of sexual assault include:
- Attempted rape
- Fondling or unwanted sexual touching
- Forcing a victim to perform sexual acts, such as oral sex or penetrating the perpetrator’s body
- Penetration of the victim’s body, also known as rape
When they say force, they mean this:
Force doesn’t always refer to physical pressure. Perpetrators may use emotional coercion, psychological force, or manipulation to coerce a victim into non-consensual sex. Some perpetrators will use threats to force a victim to comply, such as threatening to hurt the victim or their family or other intimidation tactics.
I did not know that I was sexually assaulted when I was 18 because also I didn’t realize that I was a victim of emotional coercion, psychological force, and manipulation. I thought the repeated requests for favors, the “you trust me right?”, “I’m not leaving this car until you…”, and the “I’ll give you your phone back if you…” statements were….
*sigh*
I didn’t have the sexual education to know that what he was saying was not just a teenage boy being horny. It was wrong. I surely knew about the male anatomy because 10th-grade health class definitely emphasized that, but they never taught us this.
He was a very good friend of mine. My best friend during this time period, so I couldn’t believe he could do something so evil.
I wanted to make this post to share my story, be responsible for my previous post, and potentially help anyone reading this. Of course, I can’t be angry with myself for talking so nonchalantly about something as serious as this when I didn’t know that I was a victim.
It’s been a year since I had this revelation during quarantine.
It took me 3 years to come to terms with my experience, and 1 year to open up about it.
For the record, I know that I never had to say anything about this. I respect all those who choose to keep their stories to themselves.
If you suspect that you are a victim of sexual assault, there are resources you can use to get help.
On a national-level, here’s some places to start:
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.HOPE
https://www.rainn.org/about-sexual-assault
To all survivors of sexual assault, I see you and you are not alone. This shit is incredibly difficult, but it’s not impossible. All my love this sexual assault month and beyond.
Manyi.