Welcome to the first installment of a new series I want to call the “Living alone diaries”. Much like the YouTube trend, I want to give you a glimpse inside of my head as a young woman in her 20s living alone for the first time in a major city. Unlike a vlog showing you my workouts or what I ate for lunch, here is where my TedxTalk thoughts come to life since I have no one else to talk to lmao. Some will be short, and some (like this one) will be kinda long. I want to write things that I think would really resonate with others, so I really hope you stick around to the end. 🙂
Here we go.
I’m in grad school to become a scientist.
It’s no surprise if you’ve known me for years.
Late elementary school years consisted of frequent trips to the school library to fuel my astronomy, meteorology, and geography obsessions.
I was that “did you know that the atmosphere on Venus is made of carbon dioxide, so we wouldn’t be able to breathe?” type of kid at the dinner table. And that’s when I wasn’t asking questions.
I have always been curious. When I want to know something about the world, I always researched. It was like an itch I needed to scratch.
I guess you could say I’m right where I’m supposed to be in graduate school right now.
As school begins again, I’ve been trying to figure out how to make time for my schoolwork and my creative projects. I want to make sure I’m taking my writing more seriously to have an actual draft of my first book to send to my editor sooner than later (btw SURPRISE!), I want to learn more about interior design and decorating (can’t wait to post my first apartment tour), and learn a lil more about photography to make better content for this blog and filmography to start editing videos for people as a side hustle.
I’ve always thought of it as a “scientist by day, creative by night” sort of thing. An epidemiologist/biostatistician from 9-5 and a writer, blogger, content creator, designer, and/or video editor from 5-9. I follow plenty of people on Instagram that manage engineering or corporate jobs with content creation, so I thought I’d do the same after I clock out from my day job.
Honestly, I prided myself on this idea, thinking I could be like Leonardo da Vinci. His Wikipedia page reads “an Italian painter, draughtsman, engineer, scientist, theorist, sculptor, and architect.” A polymath.
I want to be a polymath: an individual whose knowledge spans a substantial number of subjects. Basically, THEE Jack of all trades.
But it occurred to me while I was building (attempting to build anyway) an IKEA dresser…why are my passion projects happening after 5 pm??? Why are they happening after my main shift?
Shouldn’t they be my main shift?
…am I on the right path?
If I could do undergrad again, part of me thinks that I would’ve gone the creative route, let my African parents down, and studied interior design.
PART OF ME THOUGH.
I can’t commit to saying it with my chest because I haven’t considered the logistics of this route.
How much money can they make?
Enough to pay back my student loans, buy a home, and save for retirement?
What types of internships are available for me to gain experience in undergrad?
How do I set myself up for job search success post-grad?
Just as I did before I landed in my MPH program, I did ALL of the research to make sure this degree would be my next step to becoming a scientist.
But reflecting on this process has reminded me of elementary school.
In elementary school, it was a tradition every single year for the kindergarteners to have their own spread. Their pictures, along with a self-portrait (it’s always super cute to see 5-year-olds draw their eyes above their head) and their answer to the question:
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Of course, most kids say something practical like doctor, nurse, or firefighter to be heroic in their own ways.
And without fail, there’s always a couple of kids, typically boys, that say “Spider-Man”. Without. Fail.
Although not every little kid will end up as a Marvel superhero, I can’t help but think of an interview of Tom Holland mentioning his childhood dream of becoming the hero on his pajamas. And here he is, on the big screen playing Peter Parker.
The unique thing about this question is that kindergarteners can dream as far and wide as they want without limits because they don’t bog themselves down in the process.
A five-year-old girl wouldn’t say “my family immigrated here and sacrificed everything so that I could have the best opportunities, so I think I’m going to become a lawyer because I like to argue.”
A six-year-old boy doesn’t say “I want to become an artist but I wouldn’t be able to support my family, so I think I’ll major in Anatomy to become a Physicians Assistant and just minor in Art.”
No.
Kids never answer this way.
They say the first thing that comes to mind.
Doctors because they think scrubs look cool.
Teachers because they are inspired by their very first teacher.
Batman because they want to fight evil, too.
They don’t think about the logistics of their choices.
As adults, we are conditioned to consider the step-by-step process. We’re scared of uncertainty, being unprepared, and possibly failing, so we literally plan against it before we take sail, or we don’t leave the shore at all. It almost seems irresponsible not to. This turns into “I’ll start it when I’m ready” or complete abandonment of the idea.
Although we are conditioned to be this way, sometimes by declaring your biggest dream FIRST, you’re not discouraged by the process that may follow.
Little kids aren’t bogged down by the idea of 8 years of school to be a doctor. Little kids aren’t pessimistic about their physics courses to become an astronaut. They haven’t even considered these things. Their mind is set on getting their white coat or walking on the moon.
Maintaining your focus on your biggest dream is listening to what your inner child is telling you.
Learning to filter out the doubts, the “what-ifs”, and fear is silencing the adult self that has been taught to crave practicality, certainty, and comfort.
Your inner child knows no limits, no boundaries, and no borders to what is possible. They think anything is possible.
I’m wrapping up my 22nd lap around the sun, and I know I have so much more to learn about myself and what I want out of this lifetime. I plan to devote my 23rd lap to finding a happy medium between “being Leonardo da Vinci” and making sure I’m only doing what resonates with me.
No side hustles.
Everything is a passion project or it isn’t a project at all. No more “waiting for the motivation” to come after your 9-5 corporate or government job or after a long day of studying.
The simple fact that you want to do it + a child-like mentality that refuses to think of anything that could deter you from doing it will be all of the push you need to pick up your paintbrushes, pick up your guitar, take that master class, read those books, starting writing, start that business, go to that audition, upload that vlog, and/or whatever else your heart desires.
Manyi
Carpe Diem Question: What is your inner child trying to tell you? Have you been listening? If no, why not?
